Going Through The Motions 🔄

We dropped a new short film. Plus, grappling with how to live moments in full as they come and go.

I’ve talked with a lot of friends over the last two years about this feeling of “treading water,” or “floating” through life.

In August, I was really struggling with this feeling, thinking that this is the way the next however many years would go, like I didn’t have ownership over my own choices. To try and combat it, I decided to take some time off and drive up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, exploring not only the wilderness but also where my head was at that point in time.

I didn’t bring much more than a camera and a tripod. I then made a short film about this trip over the last four months. It’s called Floatin’, and you can view it here:

For a while, I debated if I was going to put it out or not, as well as share it on social media. It takes a lot of energy and emotion to put yourself out there on the interwebs, especially when you have no idea how people will react.

Additionally, when you’re talking about something like mental health, you don’t ever want to make it feel like you’re taking advantage of a sensitive topic just to draw people in. I’m often scared of opening up in my writing and overall creative work for this exact reason.

Yet I trusted my gut and stuck to my voice, and I couldn’t be happier with the end product. When you put something out there because it’s really important to you personally — and the work speaks to you — that’s the most rewarding thing there is.

Plus, it’s really powerful when it resonates with other people, too! This morning, I woke up to a Twitter DM from a kid I’ve barely spoken to since middle school, over 8 years ago:

This is the kind of stuff that convinces me that even if my business doesn’t work out or something drastic changes in my personal life, I’m on the right path towards what I want to achieve with the platform I have, as small as it may be.

Plus, the shared fear and existential dread we all have is what connects us the most at the end of the day. But more on that in this week’s video essay, The Gambino Principle, dropping at 7pm CDT on Sunday.

Oh, and if you’re not signed up yet to receive notifications whenever we drop new content, products, and more, make sure to do so here! Here’s a sneak peak at what’s coming as Season 1 approaches its end:

A phenomenal bathroom selfie, if I do say so myself. For now, here’s my thoughts on how I’m grappling with living moments in full as they come and go.

I was playing a drinking game with my roommates earlier this year, and when it was my turn to sit on the hot seat, someone asked a question that really stuck with me:

“What’s your biggest fear?”

I’ve never thought about this much. Heights? Eh. Loneliness? Sometimes. Clowns? Most definitely — but not in, like, an existential way.

The first thing that popped into my head was the fear of being forgotten. I think this is something a lot of creatives and entrepreneurs think about. If you’re someone like me who’s not wrapped up in the idea of personal celebrity, then you probably make things because of that intrinsic burn to enact something into the world.

Nevertheless, while hordes of followers and chart-topping analytics are not the end goal, you want to make things that resonate with people and create value in their lives. Yet at the same time, approaching that idea as an ultimate personal fear feels a little…egotistical. Like I deserve to be “remembered,” in whatever subjective manner that entails.

I think that’s why I’ve come to the idea of going through the motions. I’m perpetually scared that I’m not doing enough to appreciate moments as they come and go. I feel as if I’m able to get through painful things — everything from getting a shot to running a 5k to even making it through a boring class of calculus — by focusing less on my overwhelming dread and more on accomplishing a certain end goal.

The problem is, when you’re constantly just trying to “win the day” — a mantra I’ve employed quite often in the past — you lose some degree of your humanity. I believe that when you can’t live in the moment, it affects your relationships, your career, your health…everything, really.

People often say that one of the best things to do from a personal and professional standpoint is to just sit down and focus on one thing, as overthinking can cause pain. Almost as if it’s white blood cells flocking to patch up bodily harm, the response of going through the motions for fear of pain is a negative crutch to keep falling back on. If you can focus on that one thing and really give it your all, you can unlock untold benefits — maybe even build a business while you’re at it.

But it’s my biggest fear that I won’t follow this advice. That I’ll constantly go through the motions of my life in cycles and not enjoy the little things, both good and bad, happy and sad. That I’ll look back and say Dang, I really went about this life thing the wrong way.

It’s a lot of weight to carry on one’s shoulders. Yet also, I have to remind myself that we’re all running our own races here, and there’s no one way to do this whole life thing right. A book I’m reading put it well — none of us ever really figure everything out, no matter what stage we’re in.

We just need to keep the lights on long enough to test out our hypotheses.

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